Fall 2014 Pilot Round-Up Week 1

Hey, everybody! I'm watching ALL of the pilots so you don't have too! Week to week I'll tell you what to watch and what not to watch depending on your enjoyment. Let's start with Week 1 starting from Friday Sept. 12th to Thursday Sept. 18th.

Z Nation - Syfy

Zombies, while not nearly as in high demand as they used to be, still seem to exist on the fringes of entertainment. The Walking Dead is as popular as ever and dozens of videogames and movies featuring the braindead devourers of flesh are produced every minute. Enter the Syfy Network which serves up the latest cash-in brought to you by the good people over at The Asylum. Yes, that Asylum, better known as the makers of Sharknado and cheap knock offs of Hollywood films. The Asylum has its own brand of movie making and that's especially clear in the pilot of Z Nation, which "borrows" a lot of tropes from other successful TV shows. Two Lost alums are floating around in this, although one doesn't quite make it to ahead (spoilers: it's the highest billed member of the cast) which is a failed attempt to tell the audiences no one is safe. The other, played by DJ Qualls, is an enigmatic character known as Citizen Z, who is the self-proclaimed narrator of the "Zompocalypse" but really has no relation to the thinly spun plot. The rest of the cast fill out their roles in mediocre fashion but it's hard to act when you get lines like "I give you mercy" every time they shoot a zombie. There are fun, cheesy moments in the show but only enough to last for a 90 minute film and certainly not a 13 hour season.

Should I watch: Watch if you really, really, REALLY like zombies but not character development. Don't Watch if The Walking Dead is good enough and you don't like The Asylum films. If you need another zombie fix, wait for iZombie in the spring.

Red Band Society - Fox

Fox's first new show of the season furthers their "edgy" market by introducing a show set in a children's ward of a hospital featuring sick kids and Octavia Spencer as a whimsical nurse with attitude dispensing life lessons and sass. Oh yeah and it's a comedy. If you're sold on that concept alone, than this show is for you. But it's pilot ends up being emotionally manipulative crap. There's a real Glee vibe here where all the characters are transparent stereotypes dealing with real world issues through zany situations and inspirational monologues set to acoustic songs from the back catalog of pop artists from circa 2006. Seriously, about half the episode is actual story where we're introduced to different characters including Spencer the sassy nurse, a cheerleader in the vein of spoiled TV cheerleaders, some kid who looks like Edward Furlong, and the narrator (every show has one now) who is a young boy in a coma. There is even a slightly supernatural element introduced where the coma kid can talk to people while they're unconscious.  Near the middle, the writers forgot they were writing a story so the back third of the episode is inspirational monologues from dying kids set to Coldpay. I wish I were joking. This ain't TV. This is expensive sap to push commercial products (which honestly is a lot of TV).

Should I watch: Watch if you absolutely love Glee and fake inspirational videos on Buzzfeed. Don't Watch if you've ever been to a hospital and realize they don't keep kids with cancer in the same area as those with anorexia. Also if you like storytelling.

The Mysteries of Laura - NBC

The age of the standard crime procedural is at its end. Let us now welcome the age of the the hybrid crime procedural. Shows like Brooklyn Nine-Nine have proved that comedy can work in a cop show and The Mysteries of Laura runs with it. The show is based off a telenovela which explains it's unfortunate name as it's a direct translation of that series. Debra Messing plays a cop mom (or is it mom cop) who is dealing with a divorce and her somewhat troublesome children. The show is very funny and even has somewhat of a film noir vibe to it especially in her solving of the so-called mysteries. She occasionally resorts to some dirty stuff like blackmail and posing as other people to help gather AKA steal evidence. The show also it very close to its telenovela roots in its frequent dramatic reveals and ridiculous cases. The rest of the cast isn't quite fleshed out yet and the only promising cast member is ultimately revealed as a one-off (probably the most criticized point but it works for the genre) but that can easily be repaired as the show goes one. All in all, it's a surprisingly fun show and definitely has impressed me enough to continue watching.

Should I watch: Watch if you love zany detective shows like Veronica Mars or Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Don't watch if you hate fun, dramatic twists, and Spanish style television. Also, I realize Debra Messing has her detractors and that's a shame.

Tim and Eric's Bedtime Stories - Cartoon Network's Adult Swim

Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim left our Adult Swim screen in 2010 and the comedy world has never been the same. After a very successful movie, the duo are back this year! In anthology form! Bedtime Stories is their most accessible project thus far and the stories presented are surprisingly creepy if just long-form comedy sketches exemplifying their brand of anti-humor and gross out aesthetics. The pilot, which aired last year on Halloween matter-of-fact, was a standard haunted house story featuring Zach Galifinakis and was sort of goofy but the premiere of the season, called "Hole" features Heidecker as a super dominant crazy neighbor who terrifies Wareheim's nerdy tech guy. It's a fun play on suburban nightmares as well as alpha male-dominated groups where one guy seems to be the head honcho where everyone is expected to fall into place. The ending is surprisingly both creepy and hilarious all at once and it will be fun to see what kind of stories these guys will cook up.

Should I watch: Watch if you love short-form comedy and horror as well as the comedic stylings of Tim an Eric. Don't Watch if you think Tim and Eric are the worst which a surprising number of people do. This is odd considering their influence from fan favorites like Monty Python and Mr. Show.


Join me this time next week for a whole lot more pilots! Next week has a bunch!

Doctor Who "Listen"

The Doctor loves a ghost story.

Of all the mysteries of the universe, the Doctor is possibly the most obsessed with the paranormal. In fact, he frequently tries to explain away and disprove monsters and ghosts with rational explanations, or at least as rational as they come in his world. And he's almost always right. Almost. But what if the Doctor encountered something even he couldn't explain? What if he encountered fear itself?

"Listen" is a packed episode filled with revelations not only about The Doctor himself, but also of current companion Clara and almost-companion Danny Pink. It starts innocently with The Doctor monologuing to himself about an unseen creature which frightens people everywhere, all around the universe and throughout time. It's the bump in the night, the rumble in the pipes, the hair on the back of your neck, the shadow at the corner of your eye, and the monster under your bed. What he's really talking about is fear. In our universe, these things are a product of the mind when we are at our most vulnerable in the dark. But in The Doctor's universe, could they perhaps be caused by some thing? The Doctor becomes so obsessed with this vision that he scoops up Clara to assist after a particularly bad first date with Mr. Pink. They attempt to visit her childhood using the TARDIS but instead end up at Pink's childhood, where he is plagued by nightmares of something under the bed. And he turns out to be right. Well, at least perhaps right. It's never explained if the thing under the blanket is something truly evil or another kid playing a prank. But it sure is creepy.

The Doctor and Clara next travel to the end of the universe where The Doctor picks up a lonely time traveler, who looks unmistakably like Pink and whose name is Orson. He appears to be a descendant of Danny but whether he is related to Clara is unknown. Orson is stranded for six months as the end of the world where no one is around and yet he is plagued by knocks on the door from outside. Like before, there is also no explanation for what it is. The Doctor attempts to face it but he is nearly killed by the windy atmosphere outside. While the Doctor is incapacitated, Clara makes one last stop. She ends up in Gallifrey of all places in a barn where The Doctor stayed because the other young Time Lords were cruel to him. She ends up being the "monster" under The Doctor's bed but instead of scaring him, she comforts him and tells him that fear is a strength which is the same advice The Doctor gives little Danny "Rupert" Pink many, many years later. Clara leaves and is returned to her date with Mr. Pink where both of them rekindle their attraction for each other and move past their anxiety.

This episode is actually a riff on the Frederic Brown short story "Knock" which is only about three lines: "The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door," It's thought to be a very effective horror story because it supposes that when we are supposed to be alone, we are not. But it also supposes that whatever is out there, isn't human and, in that regard, isn't necessarily friendly. What is so effective about this episode is that the "monster" or "thing" is never shown. So it's up to the viewer's imagination to rationalize what it is. It could also just as easily be something completely rational and there are justifications to explain it away. In Danny Pink's case, could it have been a ghost or was it just a creepy human child in the children's home? In Orson Pink's case, could it have been the wind making a solitary man go mad? The real solution is that fear can be our biggest enemy, but it also can be our greatest strength. In The Doctor's case, it made him the Time Lord he is today.

Afterthoughts

- Super cool reference to The War Doctor, and the barn where he talks to "Rose" in the 50th special

- I'm not sure how to feel about Clara being involved in TWO important details of The Doctor's life. Remember, she told him where to steal the TARDIS too when she was impossible girling

- Both Danny and Orson Pink are great. I wouldn't be surprised if we saw more descendants of Mr. Pink down the line. Speaking of which, we know Orson and Danny are related but is Orson also related to Clara?

- This season is really growing on me in terms of storytelling, and Capaldi is starting to fall into his own rhythm that is very satisfying. It's still a bit weird that Clara and Twelve bicker at each other though

- I seriously wondered if The Silence were going to show up but thankfully they didn't

The Leftovers Season 1

What a beautiful train wreck.

At its season conclusion, I've realized that The Leftovers on HBO may be perhaps the dumbest series ever promoted in the network's history, and that includes True Blood. At least that show knows who it's audience is and what it is trying to do. Not so with Lindelof's production. You might infamously know Damon Linedelof from television headscratchers of the past like Lost and puzzling films such as quasi-prequel Prometheus. Don't get me wrong. Lost is one of my favorite television shows ever and I'm one of the few proponents of Prometheus left in the world. Lindelof is a terrible writer when it comes to plot but he is underrated when it comes to writing solid characters, a strength by which I think lets him slide by in the industry. Unfortunately, in this show plot seems to be the primary motivator and the good character bits which are present don't necessarily save it.

The Leftovers is primarily about religion and faith and how it affects people in their daily lives and attitudes. This is framed around a supernatural event that occurs in which a certain percentage of the population disappear off the face of the earth with no trace, except the memory of the people who knew them. In Christian eschatology, this is referred to as The Rapture which is generally how most people in the world of The Leftovers see it. The primary action happens in a small town called Mapleton which may as well be Main Street, USA. The town sheriff Kevin Garvey, being the stereotypical white dude, is your main protagonist and we also follow his family who have all been affected by the event. His daughter Jill is a depressed teenager, his son Tom has left to join a mysterious cult, his dad claims to see and talk to dead people, and his wife has joined another cult known as The Guilty Remnant. This particular cult is presented as the main antagonist in a way because of the way they deal with The Rapture's aftermath. They wear all white, chain smoke, never talk, and pull passive-aggressive demonstrations on the residents of town in order to remind them of their lost loved ones. There are some other side characters too like the mayor (a black boss lady trope), a pastor (perhaps my favorite character), and a potential love interest for the sheriff.

This is of course an oversimplification. That's because the over-complicated story never really goes anywhere and doesn't even stick the landing. There is far too much going on for it to all work in one season's worth of content. There is The Guilty Remnant, another cult started by a mysterious figure named Wayne, weird metaphorical dreams involving deer, a plot involving evil dogs, as well as the mystery of the rapture itself. These are loosely all tied together but none of it is explained. It is incredibly frustrating and it shows just how far Lindelof has not come in terms of storytelling. And yet, there are three episodes that really shine because they focus on specific characters. Episode 3 "Two Boats and A Helicopter" focuses on the pastor (played by the Ninth Doctor himself, Chris Eccleston) as he attempts to raise money for his failing church. It's an amazing stand-alone morality tale in a world where people no longer have faith. Episode 6 "Guest" focuses on Nora, the previously mentioned love interest, and takes the audience on a strange journey into a convention built around an awful and inexplicable tragedy. It's the biggest use of world-building in the entire series, considering that most of its action takes place outside of Mapleton. Then there is Episode 9 "The Garveys at Their Best" which is a flashback episode which shows the events that transpire up until the rapture event. Episode 9 is almost needed if only to show how the characters get to the point they are, because no explanation is offered early on. It's a shame that these three almost filler episodes have great character focus and the rest merely serve as garbled messes.

But the real question is if the show is still worth watching. I would say yes if you don't care about the central mystery and are truly interested in the lives of these characters. However if you're looking for a concise exploration into the dual nature of faith and morality, you're watching the wrong show. And if you just want the answers, you'll be waiting for a long, long time.

Afterthoughts

- I'm not sure I even understand the point of Liv Tyler's character except to have her as a communication go-between the sheriff and his wife

- There is a lot of brutal violence perpetrated against women in this show. It's pretty bad, even for HBO.

- There is also quite a bit of white savior shenanigans going on. Both Kevin and Tom are guilty of this

- Race seems kind of poorly used here too. Cult leader Holy Wayne seems like a subverison on the "magical negro" trope and than turns out to be exactly that. There is also an Asian woman who is treated like a mystical object in Tom's care

- A friend pointed out that it's strange that homosexuality is represented in the opening credits sequence, yet all of the major characters are straight

- The show is beautifully shot and there are ample scenes with little to no dialogue, which I find quite praiseworthy

Doctor Who "Robot of Sherwood"

Oh, that's where the fun went.

It was hiding inside this episode the whole time! And good thing too, because Doctor Who is a modern day swashbuckler much like the Robin Hood stories and films of old. A lot of the garbled, too-serious-for-its-own-good nonsense from the past two episodes wouldn't have made sense in this delightful romp.

As the story goes, Robin Hood and his Merry Men steal from the rich and give to the poor all the while undermining the villainous Sheriff of Nottingham. There isn't much deviation from the classic fairy tale in this retelling either save for the involvement of Clara and The Doctor. Also the fact that the idyllic Sherwood Forest is only that way because of a downed spaceship overpopulated by camouflaging robots from space. The Doctor isn't even so keen on the nature of Robin Hood himself, passing him off as a possible automaton as well or merely a pawn in the service of his robot overlords. In the end, he finds out the rogue is, in fact, the real deal and the robots (as well as the evil sheriff) are dealt with a swift blow, verily.

This episode is quite fun for many reasons. Firstly, it's an episode where Twelve's personality really seems to kick in. It occurs to me that he is supposed to be a stick-in-the-mud and that's where much of his "whimsy" occurs. This Doctor is the straight man and when paired with a foil than some real great stuff starts to happen. In this episode, that role largely goes to Robin, who channels aspects of past doctors in his own performance. Robin, much like The Doctor, is a roguish charmer as well as a timeless hero, though he doesn't know it until later. There's a great couple of scenes where Robin and The Doctor are in prison where they bicker about which one of them is the true ringleader. The answer is actually Clara, who is the true hero of this episode. Clara is at her very best in this. She seduces the main villain without resorting to pure sexuality and proves to be more mature than any of her male counterparts. She also turns out to be correct in her acceptance of Robin Hood as being real, something which Twelve has a hard time accepting. It's always awesome when the companion outsmarts The Doctor himself.

The only real moments that fall flat in this episode are few but are worth mentioning. For one, the other Merry Men are hardly fleshed out and just serve as visual cues to fans of the lore. It would have been nice to see more of these characters but they were probably left out for time reasons. Even Maid Marian gets really nothing to do which is a shame considering Clara's prowess in the episode. The solution to destroying the robots is pretty hackneyed but fits the tone of the episode fortunately. What happens is that a single arrow is needed to boost the energy of a ship into the atmosphere so it can blow up. The process by which it could happen isn't explained very effectively and it's certainly a Chekov's gun meets deus ex machina but it's just goofy enough to almost work. All in all, this is the kind of Doctor Who that I thought was perhaps far gone and I'm glad to see it hasn't left.

Afterthoughts

- Nice reference to the classic Doctor Who serial "The Crusade" where The Doctor met Richard the Lionhearted. He also has apparently seen the size of Errol Flynn's dick which is a really weird joke.

- Love the design of the robot knights, especially their weapon crosshairs which look like little purple Templar crosses

- Another "Promised Land" reference where it appears to be a planet. A large, orange planet. Can't be Gallifrey, could it?

- The spoon-sword fight on the log was a little goofy and I became instantly aware that I was watching a children's programme for the first time in awhile

- This episode reminded me of episodes from Davies' early run of NewWho where The Doctor would meet lots of historical guest stars and bicker with them. It has the same sort of tone.


Next On: "Listen" which looks one of those super scary Who episodes that isn't for children. Can't wait.

Trailer Park Boys Season 8

The boys are back.

Trailer Park Boys hasn't been on Canadian television since 2007, save for a few specials and movies. But no one in the US even knew or even cared about their antics. Enter Netflix, who acquired the show as a property, presumably on the cheap. This is where I discovered Trailer Park Boys and I'm glad I'm did, since it's one of the funniest mockumentary shows ever made. Trailer Park Boys is older than The Office, the UK version in fact. It's certainly not the first mockumentary style show but it's definitely one of the first popular ones, and it's influence is reaching if truncated by it's mainly regional success. It's cult popularity relies on it's Canadian identity, touted by many Canadian celebrities in particular rock stars such as Our Lady Peace, Snow, and even Rush (which is a major endorsement for Canucks). Through seven seasons, three movies, and a multitude of specials the trio of Julian, Ricky, and Bubbles (played by John Paul Tremblay, Rob Wells, and Mike Smith) scheme and make trouble for themselves and their superiors. One could say they are even this generation's Larry, Moe, and Curly. And after 7 years they've come back.

A lot has changed at Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Julian has opened his own bar, even if his liquor licensing is dubious. Ricky seems to have acquired enough drugs to not need any quick schemes. His daughter, Trinity, is even all grown up now. Even Bubbles is going legitimate. He's planning on opening a bed and breakfast for people who own cats. Even their antagonists seemed to be in fairly good terms. Mr. Lahey is retired and still drunk as usual but he doesn't seem to be actively thwarting the boys. He's more concerned about his on/off relationship with Randy, who has shacked up with another assistant in Donald, a welcome newcomer to the zany world of Trailer Park Boys. Even Sam Losco is happily married to Barb where they manage the trailer park. But unfortunately what goes up, must always come to shit. Barb and Sam's relationship goes south after she finds out he was cheating on her (with a dude of course), and she decides she is going to sell the trailer park. Julian convinces her otherwise but they need Lahey's 1% share so Losco doesn't sell it to recurring villain Cyrus. Throughout the season, the trio concocts a system of money-making schemes including turning Julian's bar (renamed The Dirty Dancer) into a sleazy strip club with help of Sarah, J-Roc, and his crew as well as making hash honey oil from Ricky's stash of marijuana . Meanwhile, Lahey schemes with George Green to undermine the boys once and for all by pretending to help them in order to catch them doing illegal activities. In the end, the trailer park is saved but at a hilarious price. Every episode is stacked with references to previous episodes and there are some really surprising cameos by past guest stars and characters.

Trailer Park Boys is an incredibly subversive show and it is especially hilarious to see how rural and urban caricatures sometimes collide. But there are also real social issues that are discussed here. Everything from sexual promiscuity, family dynamics, drug abuse, and homosexuality is explored in this show and in fairly positive terms. There is real heart to these characters even if some of them are stupid, rude, and/or loutish. I think that's what makes Boys special in that all of these characters are highly relatable. If you've never seen the show, I implore you to give it a chance. There's a lot of great stuff to be had even if you're not into weed and shit jokes.

Afterthoughts

- Corey re-appears after taking a long absence, but no sign of Trevor unfortunately. Apparently, both actors left after the 6th season because they were being treated poorly by the producers

- The show returned w/o  it's original writer/showrunner Mike Clattenburg but there doesn't seem to be a creative change. That's probably because Tremblay, Smith, and Wells write the show now

- Don (and Donna) might be my favorite new side character in the show. Every line he says just floors me.

- I feel like Ricky has gotten even dumber and Bubbles has gotten even smarter. For example, Ricky can't tell that a goldfish is dead and Bubbles builds a complicated oil condenser in a very little period of time

- The appearance of a semi-famous rock musician at the end is the most Mary Sue thing ever but it's fitting for who it actually is and and works perfectly

R.I.P. Joan Rivers

1933-2014

The comedy world was rocked again after the passing of Joan Rivers. And so soon on the heels of Robin Williams as well. Joan Rivers was a pioneer in comedy, particularly for budding female comedians. She also has had tremendous acclaim in all types of media from television to reporting to fashion consulting. Joan indeed did it all.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite episodes of television in Louie (Louie CK's FX show). There is an episode called "Joan" in which Louie gets a job at a hotel casino, but only in a crappy lounge where no one is respectful to the show or his stand up. He starts insulting the audience, the hotel owner (Donald Trump, a man who really deserves it), and the casino itself and ends up getting in trouble with the hotel management. He quits the gig because he's a young comic and doesn't want to deal with being censored. Later, he watches Joan Rivers do stand-up in the same casino, albeit in bigger and better digs. He meets up with her after the show and she basically tells him what an idiot he is. She tells hims that sometimes you have to sacrifice your own self-purpose for ambition. It's a good lesson, and a wickedly funny scene. It's the one bit that made me fall in love with Joan as a person. Here's this old lady, who has been working forever in entertainment and she's rude, off-kilter, and doesn't play by any rules but her own. It's hard not to see her as your eccentric aunt. Joan was a flawed woman but that's part of what makes her human. I, along with many others, will miss her dearly.

The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story

The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story is most assuredly a Lifetime movie of the week. It's packed to the brim with overacting, underacting, licensed music, and fancy camerawork done by an aspiring cinematographer. The movie is based on actor Dustin Diamond's tell-all book which he admits he didn't even write. In fact, the biopic was ghost-written by someone else who Diamond gave general prompts saying that working on the show wasn't the best experience for him. The other cast members had only positive things to say about their experience, however. So naturally, the movie is told from Diamond's POV or at least it starts that way. Unfortunately, the film's major problem is that it really can't decide who the protagonist of the story really is. Is it the creator of the show, Peter Engel, who fought the hardest for the show's success? Is it Mark-Paul Gosselar, the wunderkind behind it's continued success? Was it Berkeley, or Vorhies, or Thiessen who braved their own insecurites about acting and their inexperience to become three of the most iconic female characters on television? Or is it actually Dustin Diamond, who's odd and memorable portrayal of Screech was perhaps overlooked as part of the show's early success and legacy? Was it Dennis Haskins?!

The answer is that all of these people were a major part to the show's success (although Haskins' involvement was indeed played down in the special). While soulless executives and producers bickered about the show's future and its financial gains, the stars carried on with their normal lives as teenagers with hormones. Relationships starts and end. Contracts are broken. Friendships are lost and gained. And it's those moments that make this film work. When the special focuses on the relationships between the child actors, there is some real chemistry. In particular, Tiera Skovbye shines as a young Elizabeth Berkeley, a young actress who wants to find real social applications in her work. There is a particularly great scene where she tries to convey the emotions of a drug addict for an infamous episode of the show, much to the chagrin of Diamond. It helps that the cast is largely made up of unknowns, most of which who channel their actors as well as the characters they portray in scary, accurate ways.

The unfortunate side of this film is just how much of it is based on blatant lies ranging from funny to downright slanderous. The first time I noticed something wasn't right was perhaps the moment when Dustin marches straight up to the president of NBC's office without anyone in the office batting an eye. The president puts off a call about a pilot called Seinfeld (really?) so he can talk to the "big star" that walked in his office. Mario Lopez is represented in the film as an idiotic douchebag who never respected Diamond or any of his coworkers save Gosselar. Perhaps it was true but the portrayal comes off as just a loose exaggeration of A.C. Slater, which is character he played and NOT the person he is. Even Gosselar comes off as a two-faced brat, in between telling off his mom and spending his money on frivolous things like sports motorcycles. Gosselar's love life also seems to be the focus of the special, oddly. First of all, there's no way Diamond could have been around for every moment of these teens' lives and even if he had the 411 on their romantic exploits, he certainly plays them in a fairly favorable light, even if Gosselar did eventually dump Vorhies for Thiessen.

This is what makes Unathorized a hot mess of bullshit. What could have been an interesting exposé into how a cultural landmark was created turns into a "tell-all" piece filled with hurt feelings and tales of woe. It's a real shame too because the entertainment is there without any of the fabricated stuff. But that's to be expected from a man like Diamond, who never stopped being a consistent source of entertainment in both his professional and personal life.

Afterthoughts

- Two real-life things aren't mentioned in this special: 1.) The fact that Dustin Diamond did a porno after Saved By the Bell and 2.) Mario Lopez was actually accused of date-raping a woman in 1993 but no evidence as found to support it.

- Also not mentioned: Diamond alleging he slept with 2000 women during the filming of the show including the executive VP director of children's programming at the time

- Did you catch the blink-or-you'll-miss-it reference to Showgirls where Berkeley picks up the glitter encrusted bra top and smirks?

- They got a lot of play out of Cameo's "Word Up." I swear I heard it played at least five or six times.

- Nice pointed references to the fact that Gosselar wan't a natural blonde and is actually both Dutch and Indonesian

- I'm not sure if Diamond's actor actually nails the pure weirdness and comic timing of Screech as Diamond himself did. And perhaps no one can.